A season of test can be challenging, but these hardships lead to development of character. How we pass that test becomes our Testimony.
Testimony
Yahweh, take control of my reality as we live in duality.
I want to seek you more and really understand my spirituality.
Give me the vision to see who you created me to be.
A woman with a queen-like mentality poised in her dignity.
Speak to me and let my words speak for you.
Align my actions to exactly what you need me to do.
I give away my life so that I can be more like you.
In return, you gave me purpose and a life redeemed.
I no longer search and hold on to the things I think I need,
to upkeep a personality of who I thought I was meant to be.
You broke the chains that bound me and set my soul free.
You took away my distorted lens and gave me your vision to see.
You opened my heart so that I may truly believe.
Even when I fall short of your glory, Lord, you continue to shower me in your mercy.
Thank you for your unconditional love and never giving up on me,
Jehovah Nissi, you are my everything.
No one could have done it but YOU - this is my testimony.
-CIN
What does Testimony mean to you?
When you're given a test in school, the lesson comes first, but when you're given a test by God, the lesson comes after. During my season of test, I wrote this poem once I started understanding the lesson God intended for me to learn.
At that time, I had just come out of a five-year long, toxic relationship that resulted in homelessness and left me with a lot of emotional scars. To cope, I indulged in unhealthy behaviors and seeked validation from all the wrong people. This placed me in situations that added to my feelings of guilt and unfulfillment when I thought about my life. I was so ashamed of who I was that it took me a while to realize that God was patiently waiting for me to run back to Him.
Once I finally stopped defining myself in the world and looked to the One who put me in it, my testimony began with a shift in perspective. He used my shame to teach me mercy and grace. He taught me how to turn my sorrows into songs of praise. Though I came to Him hurt, He showed me how to heal so my pain could be replaced with peace.
"Thank you for your unconditional love and never giving up on me."
The Bible's lesson about going through the test
In the bible, the story of Job offers another great example of testimony from the test. Job was a prosperous man with righteous and noble character, but Satan accuses to God that Job only has faith because of his wealth. Even though Job's ways were blameless, God permits Satan to test Job by destroying everything he has and inflicting him with painful sores (Job 1:8-12, 2:3-7). Job endured suffering for so long that his own wife told him to curse God and die. Also, his friends who came to comfort him ended up being verbally abusive and condemned Job of sin.
"Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" (Job 1:10)
With no one to lean on and no explanation as to why he was enduring such pain, Job continuously asked the question of "Why?". Why would God allow this to happen? Why am I suffering if I have done nothing wrong? Why should I still have hope?
In response, God answers with the question of "Who is in charge?". Even if God were to answer the questions of "Why?", we still wouldn't be able to fully understand the wisdom of the One controls our universe. The difference between our humanly wisdom and the full wisdom of God is faith, and that is what He requires of us during times of adversity.
Through it all, Job passed the test by keeping his faith and emerging without sin. Job learned an important lesson to trust the One who is ultimately in charge. Because of this, God was able to bless Job with double than what he had before (Job 42:10, 12).
How are you handling your season of test?
For some of us, a season of test can be a direct result of the choices we make and lifestyle we choose to live. The effects of our choices should not be seen as a punishment from God, but a chance to reflect, repent, and change from our ways.
For others, like Job, suffering is not always due to personal sin but a test of your faith in Him to deliver. Sometimes, a season of test is necessary to purify and strengthen our souls while God is preparing us for a new thing. Either way, the test teaches us to trust God in all circumstances, regardless of if we understand why or not.
The next time you find yourself in the midst of a test, instead of complaining or questioning God, I challenge you to take the time to thank Him for your coming testimony.